Category: Left Temporal Lobe

I'm 57 years old & was diagnosed with a large left temperal ac in Oct. 2003. Due to the size of the cyst, baseball size, & my condition at the time I had surgery on Nov. 5 2002. Due to the situation at the time, my wife was dieing of cancer, many of the questions that should have been ask were not. The symptoms that were happening I put off to stess from the eight years carring for my wife through all the treatments, surgeries & other events. When I drove home from work one day & it was difficult to stay concious along the way, I called our family doctor & he rushed an MRI of my head. I had the test on Saturday & Monday morning he called to say they had an appointment with the surgeon & to be their. He told me I had to have surgery ASAP or I would likely die from a hemhorage or a stroke & neither of us were in any condition to argue the situation. I had very little idea what an AC was until I recovered from the first surgery & started asking questions as to what had happened.

I started having trouble with being tired, eyesight, coordination & ect for the second time in Feb. & as it progressed I finally called the doctor in March. My wife died March 15, I saw the doctor on the 17, MRI a couple days later & second surgery March 28 for a brain hemhorage & in early Sept. a series of small strokes that left me unable to speak, write, coordination was gone, almost total loss of short term memory, seizures, headaches & ect.

I was, as with many others I read about treated for various disorders through the years including depression on many occassions. Medications never worked & usually made matters worse, so treatment was spotty for many years. I have a lot of trouble understanding why with the complaints I voiced that they didn't check my head sooner. I have noticed that mine went on for a longer period than most I read about & has occupied a good portion of my life. The doctors will not say how long I have had this or if I was born with it. I had some severe injuries including my head when I was 7 & the cyst was directly underneath where I had a 2" long crease in my skull where I hit a concrete wall. That was the first time I heard that I should have died & didn't. I had broken ribs, compression fractured spine & an indentation in my skull above my left temple that gave me trouble for years.

I have complained of pressure in my head since I was a child & for many years I had debilitating headaches that were diagnosed as migranes. Over & over I told doctors, my parents & others it felt like my head was going to explode. It was a situation where when you don't know any different that you think everyone feels that way & you learn to try to compensate for the events that occur. I was every parents worst nightmare as a teenager, an alchoholic at 19 (used as an anesthetic), first direct attempt at suicide at 22, quit drinking at 24 & used work in the same way for years, had no trust in what I felt or thought & whether it was real or just in my mind, became so controlled & acted as if nothing really mattered that everyone began to believe it was the truth, for many years I had almost a total collapse for a few days usually a couple times a year, I joked with my wife for years that I spent so much time controlling this demon that I didn't have time to live & the worst part was the thoughts of suicide on a daily basis from out of nowhere for no reason.

I had a neurologist tell me to be careful what I put as symptoms of the cyst & what was not. I have found that what I controlled for many years is gone & this whole new world has opened. I do have a whole new set of problems but in comparison it is a lot esier to control that what I had before. I have had to learn to live with the emotions that most people learn about as children & I didn't. They came from every direction so fast that at times it was overwhelming & learning to control them was a whole other story. I was in my thirties when I felt what I would call real anger for the first time I can remember. Now I feel it on a regular basis & have had to learn how to control it. I watch my 7 year old grandson & I have a new outlook on what he is dealing with learning about all of this. I pay more attention to what he says, how he acts as time goes on & just nore atune to him. It has changed the relationship with him dramatically.

It has been a strange sort of life with all that has happened & the distance that I have kept people at. The lack of a feeling of pressure in my head, the sense of the world around me is so different & the demon that I fought all those years is gone. I wake up in the morning & most days I feel more alert than I ever remember. I have some pain from neurapathy, speech gets mixed up at times, short term memory problems, strange sensations accross my head & at times headaches & some days I tire easily. I look at the comparison of what it was like several years ago with how it is now & I will take this anytime. I do get frustrated & have my moments when I think giving up would be ok but it only lasts for a short time. The sights, sounds & just the feel of the world around me is so amazing that I have times when I just stop to let all of it just fold around me. It reminds me of holding hands with my wife & that warm contented feeling that was always wonderful.

My entire life ended just over three years ago & the search for a life I can live has been & will be tough. It is & will be so different that it is going to take time to learn about what it will be. Whatever it finally turns out to be it will be better than before.